Funny Bumper Sticker Sayings

Here's our collection of funny bumper sticker sayings (and some not so funny ones!) along with some sarcastic ones.

Click on any of the following links to see even more sayings and quotations on a variety of topics: Inspirational, humorous, marriage, wedding, and love, birthdays, fortune cookies, bumper stickers, thank you, books, and even some by unknown authors!

Here we go!
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Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
Change a life; make someone feel important.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation!
Conserve water - Shower with a friend!
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death is the consequence of being alive.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't believe everything you think.
Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
Driver carries less than $20 in ammunition.
Every time you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.
Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires togeth ---
Faster than a speeding ticket.
Fat people are hard to kidnap.
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...
Flies spread disease; keep yours closed!
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Gravity is a myth the Earth sucks.
Gun control is a steady hand.
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
I just love nonverbal communication!
Idiots surround me!
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
If it is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.
If only I were as good as my dog thinks I am...
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
If you can do the time, you can do the crime.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you think I’m a bitch, wait until you meet my mother
If you think the car is dirty you should spend a night with the driver!
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
I'm an optimist, but I don't think it'll work.
I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
I'm serious; it was a joke.
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
In theory, everything works.
It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
It's been Monday all week.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.
Learn from your parents' mistakes; use birth control!
Lets get along with me.
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
Look out! Behind you!
Make WAR, not SEX; it's safer!
Mean people suck.
My child beat up your honor student
My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse.
No matter where you go, there you are.
No prohibiting allowed!
No Radio - Already Stolen!
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Save a tree, eat a beaver.
This is not an abandoned car.
This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.
This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Was today really necessary?
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
When all else fails, lower your standards.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Why be normal?
You can't be late until you show up.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

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English Idioms

Also by the same author:

English Idioms

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